I Warned You Not to Touch That

Bad Advice – Too much of a good thing

by on Apr.14, 2010, under Bad Advice

My husband and I have become friendly with a young couple we know from church.  They are in their early 20’s and we are old enough to be their parents.  We had them for dinner at 6pm the other night.  At 10pm, they were still going strong.  Finally, at 11pm they left.  We’re usually in bed before that hour.  They’re a lovely couple and we enjoy their company but we would have been happier if they’d left 90 minutes earlier.  Is there a tactful way to let dinner guests know it’s time to leave?

Too much of a good thing

 

There must be some subtle hints you could drop to help them get the message they’ve overextended their welcome.  Unfortunately, a bomb threat would necessitate your leaving as well.  Food poisoning could work but your guests might wonder why they weren’t sick.  Going into labor?  That’s a possibility.  This happens frequently on I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant.  Many women feel kicking inside of them and think nothing of it.  Have you considered cranking up the sound system with some Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas music? 

Perhaps you could launch into some inane story about the guy you really wanted to marry.  If you don’t have one, this is your chance to exercise some creativity.  When your husband says, “You never told me about Siegfried,” just laugh it off and say, “Of course I did, sweetie.  Don’t you remember?  He was a real tiger.  I’m sure things would’ve been different if Roy hadn’t come along.”  Be sure to bait him with tantalizing tidbits about the time your true love wore a leopard skin loincloth to the beach.

Of course, a little alcohol will go a long way to escalate matters.  Explain to your church friends that you never used to drink until you met your husband.  Tell them it’s a wonderful way to start the day.  I’m sure they’d also be interested to learn the reason you never had children.  It’s no secret that everything is working properly on your end.  Right?

There are few things better than a good fight to help your guests want to call it a night.  Best of all, once the word gets around at church, you’ll be too embarrassed to attend and never see them again.

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