I Warned You Not to Touch That

Bad Advice – Technically Troubled

by on May.20, 2010, under Bad Advice

I have a small computer repair business.  A 90-year-old woman called me to get rid of a virus on her computer.  After fixing the problem, she continues to call me complaining that she can’t access her email and other programs.  To complicate matters, her 95-year-old husband died six months ago and took all their passwords to his grave.  As many times as I’ve shown her how to do things on her PC, she keeps forgetting and calls wanting me to fix things that are working.  She doesn’t remember my name yet she knows exactly how much she’s paid me.  What should I do?

Technically Troubled


Since she’s so forgetful, explain to her that you’ve never touched her computer and that you are, in fact, her long lost son.  When she mentions the obscene amount she’s already paid you, tell her it was a birthday check which you reluctantly cashed.  As your relationship with her becomes closer, mention you’ll need her social security number should, God forbid, she ever die.  In time, you’ll find it easy to garner credit cards in her name and collect the benefit checks she gets from the government. 

As her newly minted kin, tell her she needs to get out of the house more and bring her to a theme park.  Those delightful attractions can do wonders to lift her spirits.  Don’t bother with the wimpy teacup ride with all the toddlers.  She needs excitement in her life.  Look for rides with names like “Death Wish,”  “Scream Machine,” or “Nitrous Hurl Gurl.”  Before you go blasting off, be sure to enter her in the chili-eating contest and take her on a stroll through the warped mirror maze.

She may be a bit jittery after day of fun in the sun, so kick back at the Wild West Saloon, and let the shots of Jagermeister fly.  It’ll be even more fun if you challenge her to a drinking contest.  She’s bound to gain some new friends at the bar and might even win back some of the money she’s paid you.  Don’t forget, she’s the designated driver.  If she can’t remember where she lost her dentures, tell her she’s been at home all day and they’re probably in the glass by her bed.  When you leave, take her computer with you.  She’ll never miss it.


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