I Warned You Not to Touch That

Bad Advice – Fed Up With Spam

by on Apr.23, 2010, under Bad Advice

I just checked and I have over 13,000 pieces of spam in my email’s junk mailbox.  The person who set up my PC put something on it that’s supposed to keep spam from finding me.  I check my mail several times a day and there are always between 50 and 100 new messages.  I’m careful about giving out my email address but it doesn’t seem to matter.  Is there a recommended way for me to solve this problem for good?

 Fed up with spam

Junk email or spam has been vexing humanity since the dawn of infomercials.  Fortunately, there are several easy solutions to your problem.  I use something called a filter.  When shopping for a filter, be sure you get the right kind.  Avoid the type used in air conditioning ductwork or above the manifold on your car.  They can be quite cumbersome and are a real bear to fit into your laptop.  I use the #2 cone-style coffee filters with no bleach added.  They’re inexpensive and will fit easily into your CD drive.  You’ll find they’re very capable when it comes to keeping things from getting into your computer.

 If that doesn’t solve the problem, I’d do an in-depth analysis of the mail you’re being sent.  Perhaps a pattern will emerge.  In my case, I frequently hear from Cheryl Bisque, the Bank of Nigeria and someone named Cholesterol.  I don’t know how the Bank of Nigeria ended up in my junk box but, once I discovered them there, I moved them to my inbox immediately.  These wonderful folks are dying to release millions of dollars to me, through their chartered agent.  I wish the banks in our country were half as generous.  I’m not sure who Cheryl is and I haven’t checked to see what she wants but, with a name like that, it can’t be good.  Once you’ve found where much of your mail is coming from, hand write a personalized note asking them politely to stop sending you unwanted solicitations.  Be sure to use the exact words, “unwanted solicitations.”  There are few things more moving than a handwritten personalized plea.

If neither of these approaches works, buy a new PC.  It’s a more expensive option but you’ll be starting fresh and none of the people currently sending you spam will know about your new machine. Don’t consider the environment or bother recycling your old computer.  If the manatees won’t eat it, you can always dispose of it at the bottom of a pristine lake. 


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